American Elephants


Dave Allen, on “Children” by The Elephant's Child

Dave Allen On Supermarkets by The Elephant's Child
July 20, 2014, 6:53 am
Filed under: Entertainment, Humor, United Kingdom | Tags: , ,

Dave Allen is a British comedian, and brilliant. British supermarkets may be a bit different, but if you shop in a grocery, you will recognize some of your own angst in his performance. He has his audience in the palm of his hnd.



The Offensive Translator by The Elephant's Child

Catherine Tate is a British comedienne, and this is an oldie but goodie. One of her best.



Somebody call PETA! by The Elephant's Child

26

This picture was posted on Facebook, and many viewers were outraged that at a time when there is so much going on in the world, some idiot hunter was slaughtering, um, peaceful rare animals. If you recognize the face of the man, Steven Spielberg, and the animal, Triceratops, all becomes fairly clear. The director posed with a prop from Jurassic Park. The Daily Caller summed up the rage of some of the commenters:

“That’s Steven Spielberg, director of Jurassic Park!” one user wrote.

“I don’t care who he is he should not have shot that animal,” another responded.

“Steven Spielberg, I’m disappointed in you. I’m not watching any of your movies again ANIMAL KILLER,” commented another.

“Disgraceful. No wonder dinosaurs became extinct. Sickos like this kill every last one of them as soon as they are discovered. He should be in prison,” another followed up.



America Still Free, Still Beautiful! by The Elephant's Child

And a Very Happy Fourth of July! by The Elephant's Child

Another Kind of Child Abuse! by The Elephant's Child

swings

There are many things wrong with our public schools, a good percentage can be traced to the fact that our school administrators—the principals — are idiots. The damage done to little kids in the name of “zero tolerance” policies mounts up.

A 5 year-old kindergartner in Surprise, Arizona was told to pull down his pants on the playground by another kindergartner. This is not a remarkable happening. The other kid told Eric Lopez that if he didn’t pull them down he would pull Lopez’ pants down for him.

Eric Lopez pulled his pants down, as instructed, and was hauled off to the principal’s office and forced to sign a “sexual misconduct” form. Eric, a bright little kid, knows his letters so he signed. So now he has a label and a file that will follow him for the next 12 years. Eric did not know, and nobody told him— was that he had a right to have his mom present.

His mother didn’t find out until after the forced confession. She has since filed significant paperwork to appeal the label attached to her son of “sexualized minor.” Oh please! These are some people that are supposed to have some familiarity with kindergartners. They’re only 5 years old! They don’t have any  idea what a “sexualized minor is.”

The Dysart Unified School District insists that it was simply following standard procedures in the case of “indecent exposure.”

Read that line again. This is “indecent bureaucratic behavior.” This is follow the rules, even when  you know that the rule is absurd, and makes no sense, and you are damaging a five-year-old child and his family.

How did we get to the point where bureaucrats are so fearful of unpleasant consequences for not following the rules exactly as stated, even when some tiny mote of reality must exist in the bureaucratic brain that this is really, truly, monumentally stupid?

In a world where a kid gets expelled from school for biting a pop-tart into a shape resembling a gun — or the State of Idaho, if you turn it barrel-up—it’s clear that we have slipped a cog.  Actually the pop-tart looked a lot more like the state than it did like a  gun. Similar educational bureaucratese pops up frequently. We have all seen way too many examples.

Lenore Skenazy has a blog about “Free Range Kids,” and has written a book by the same name.  I was a free range kid, as were my children. The nonsense is fairly new, and quite ‘progressive.’



At What Point Do You Lose Faith In The Federal Government? by The Elephant's Child

13_1

How about this one? On June 26, innumerable antiques, musical instruments and Mah Jong and chess sets have been effectively banned by your federal government from sale or trade within the U.S. The idea is to protect elephants in Africa from poaching for their ivory.

Combined with tough new international import-export restrictions, the value of these objects, once in the hundreds of millions of dollars, will evaporate.

Well, so much for my little ivory Buddha, though I doubt he was worth much in the first place, but what about my walrus ivory necklace from Alaska?

There are fantastically beautiful and expensive pieces carved of ivory. Too bad. Now worthless. Your federal government decided. This one is the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service.To sell or trade your object, you have to prove that it at least 100 years old and possess official paperwork proving that it was imported to America before 1990, or legally thereafter, and provide evidence that the object has been neither repaired nor modified since December 1973. The IRS is unlikely to let you write it off as an investment loss, whether you paid a few hundred or $20,000 at Christie’s.

What Fish and Wildlife will do is step in to prosecute the owners and confiscate the ivory goods.

ADDENDUM: The bureaucrats at Fish and Wildlife may mean well, but their efforts to ban the sale and trade of ivory will not save one elephant. It will only raise the price of ivory on the world market and encourage poaching. One third of African elephants live in Botswana. 150,000 of them live in an area about the size of the New York metropolitan area. Too many for a comparatively small area. Botswana President Ian Kharma has banned wildlife hunting as of January and has received awards for his conservation efforts, but the overpopulation of elephants is controlled only by disease, hunting or starvation due to the destruction of the environment. That jacks up the price even more. Elephants have no natural predator.



Remy: God Bless the USA [VA Scandal Edition] by The Elephant's Child

Remy remakes the Lee Greenwood classic for the administrators of today’s Veterans Administration hospitals.

Iraq and the Release of Taliban Leaders from Guantanamo may have pushed the VA Hospital Scandal off the front pages, but nobody has forgotten or forgiven. Americans care about their veterans.



Watch Americans’ Trust in Each Other Erode Over The Last Four Decades by The Elephant's Child

Aa6guXe

This little map was created by Josh Morgan using data from the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey (GSS) from 1972 to 2012. The survey’s simple question each year was: “Generally speaking, would  you say that most people can be trusted or that you can’t be too careful in dealing with people?

The percentage of all respondents who said that most people can be trusted has dropped from about 46 percent in 1972 to about 32 percent in 2012. Morgan makes no attempt to draw conclusions about why we trust less, and there is no single factor that is responsible for such a big societal change, but the ubiquitous reach of television, the Internet and smart phones have caused less direct human interaction.

Morgan’s article is here.

(h/t: Chris Cillizza)



The New World of Bacon! by The Elephant's Child

bacon

I assumed that I was done with the food posts, but the current mania for all things bacon interfered. I made the mistake of searching for an image of bacon on Google images. Ooops! We have bacon dresses, bacon bras, a bacon man’s suit, a bacon basket for scrambled eggs, bacon candy, bacon ice cream, bacon gumballs, a child’s bacon costume, bacon cupcakes, chocolate covered bacon, a bacon attaché case, bacon soda, bacon toothpaste, Kevin Bacon, bacon deodorant, and a few other things that would spoil your taste for bacon for some time.

Another search produced a cooking site: endless simmer which features” 100 ways to use a strip of bacon” (with pictures) and recipes to go with each picture, some of which look really good.  The Food Network does “50 Things to Make with Bacon” again with recipes.and delish.com has “Bizarre Bacon: 12 Weird Bacon Products You Won’t Believe.

At that point I’d had enough. I knew that there was a major food fad going on with bacon, but I had no idea how extensive it was.There are websites just about bacon. There are uses too embarrassing to mention. We never quit bacon during all the talk about saturated fat, but it was more Sunday morning with sourdough pancakes. Long ago I used to stuff a hot dog with a long skinny piece of cheddar cheese and then wrap the whole thing in a slice of bacon, but that was a really long time ago. It was really good too.

ADDENDUM: I should mention that the price of bacon is climbing sharply from bacon enthusiasm and a virus that affects baby pigs with a fatal diarrhea. As they say in the investment business, buy on dips.



The Newest Dietary Advice — Bacon and Eggs Are Good For You! by The Elephant's Child

comfort_food_diner_bacon_eggs_coffee_pohuski_9

All those things the federal government told you that you must not eat—nevermind! Butter is fine; bacon is good; steak—wonderful if you can afford the rapidly climbing price; cheese, salami, hamburger, great. Ice cream— fine; nuts, hot dogs and fried chicken all o.k.. It’s the complex carbohydrates that trigger the release of insulin. A high fat diet has been shown to be better for you, and we have been in error about shifting our diets so dramatically away from meat, dairy and cheese, shifting our calories to carbohydrates instead. For breakfast, instead of oatmeal go for bacon, eggs, sausage and whole fat yogurt.

We have recently learned that those vitamin pills we scarf down in hopes of health don’t do a lick of good, and we should save our money.

Organic foods only advantage is that they are usually about 30% more expensive. They are not more nutritious, nor better for you in any way. They are still grown with pesticides— just “natural” ones like those made from pyrethrums (very poisonous). The term “organic” is merely a marketing ploy, and farmers agree to use all “natural’ stuff like manure in growing their crops—which take about a third more land to grow.

Like most other things, the government doesn’t know best about what you should eat or what your children should eat. Michelle Obama’s decree about what children should eat in the National School Lunch Program is leaving kids hungry, angry, and with dumpsters full of rejected food. More than 500 schools have pulled out of the federal lunch program as a result of the Obama regulations. Kids have taken to Twitter to post photos of the meager burgers on sorry buns and sorry little skim milk cartons, mystery meat, and a few straggly cheese shreds on a massive tortilla. Schools are losing money on the program.

Mrs. Obama was surely well-intentioned, but dependent on the ideas that carbs were good, meat and cheese should be limited, fruit is always good and cherry tomatoes and catsup are excellent vegetables. But a healthy lunch remains what Mrs. Obama says it is so far.

And all the gluten-free stuff? You don’t need that unless you have coeliac disease. Feel better now?




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 6,505 other followers

%d bloggers like this: