American Elephants


Do You Read In Bed? by The Elephant's Child

Reading in bed last night, I ran across this passage in a 2004 book, which I found highly amusing:

“I never said, with Tom as my witness, what I’m about to say, “Isaacson said. “Okay?”
“Okay,” Castillo said.
“I, of course, don’t know what I’m talking about, but let me throw this scenario at you,” Isaacson said. “It probably goes all the way back to J. Edgar Hoover, but the basic philosophy of the FBI is protect the FBI, closely followed by make the FBI look good and never do or admit anything that could in any way make the FBI look bad.”

“With that in mind, they don’t call their internal affairs unit ‘Internal Affairs.’ To have an internal affairs unit would be an admission that there might be, from time to time, one or two – maybe even three – FBI agents who are not absolutely one hundred percent squeaky clean and perfect in every way. On the other hand, it has to be faced that there are, from time to time, some agents whose behavior might not meet in every detail the professional standards expected of everyone in the FBI. Hence the ‘Professional Standards Unit,” to root these miscreants out, and do so very quietly.”
“You don’t like the FBI much, do you Joel?”
“Like every other right-thinking ,patriotic American, I hold the FBI in the highest possible regard. I am simply unable to accept any suggestion that any FBI agent would ever do anything wrong.”

It was, of course, fiction, but in June 2019, funny.


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